Why Do We Always Want To Be Right?

Why do we always want to be right? It is an unbearable need, it is true, but for many it is an existential priority; hence the arguments, the dialectical clashes, and the inevitable frustrations. We are that society that has banished from its mind the incredible possibility of ever being wrong. It does so as a mechanism to safeguard self-esteem … and even dignity.

We have all checked it sometime. There are people who defend “their truth” with a certain aggressiveness, as if their life depended on it, as if any amendment were a personal attack. Few habits can be as harmful to mental functioning as not admitting mistakes, and sometimes not completing or correcting our opinion with the information provided by others.

This is not someone else’s evil, it is not something that only happens to others. Each of us also shows, from time to time, that secret need: to protect our beliefs, opinions and truths at all costs. The obsession to always be right is ingrained in our collective psyche …

The need to always be right

I am right and you are wrong. This thought tends to navigate the mind frequently when we speak to someone. It does not matter that we do not say it out loud, the idea that one’s own perspective is the correct orchestrates our day to day life as a veil that filters everything, as a variable that acts as a constant in our reasoning and attitudes.

Have they educated us like this? Or is it in our genes that unbearable need to believe that our truth “is the only possible one in the whole universe”? Sociologists point out that, in recent years, our views are being radicalized. It is not enough to have an opinion about something, that vision about certain things we already take to high altars where we can defend them tooth and nail.

We do not give in, we do not leave room for doubt and even less for the comment opposite to my vision of the world. What is the reason for all this emotional and behavioral dynamics?

We have been educated to be afraid of error

The error, until not long ago, was written in red pen. A failure at the time of adding, of writing a dictation was pointed out in a striking way and was recorded in our retinas. The mistake made was sometimes followed by a reprimand, especially if our parents lacked emotional intelligence and wisdom in education and parenting.

• We have grown up relating success to reinforcement, with that dose of positivity that inflated our self-esteem. In this way, whoever is right, creates a more confident emotional self-image and can look in the mirror with pride and complacency.
• The mistake, on the other hand, has the prick of frustration and shame and, therefore, it is that which is best avoided at all costs. Because we have not yet assumed that failure is also an opportunity for learning and growth. Also, that listening to the other and knowing how to disagree enriches us in a decisive way.

Don’t touch my self esteem, my beliefs are my possessions

One of the reasons why we want to always be right is due to one of our most precious possessions: self-esteem. It is that fragile dimension that, at the minimum, deflates, loses steam and makes us come down low.

Our beliefs are our possessions and beware of those who dare to question them. Moreover, if at some point someone makes me doubt and even I feel that my truths are being put in check, I will resort to sophisticated defense mechanisms to put them to safety.

They are those situations in which we make use of biases to keep our beliefs protected, even if they are unsustainable, even if they are as fragile as a silk thread.

The mismanagement of our emotions

“If they prick us, don’t we bleed?” they said in Shakespeare’s Merchant of Venice . «If they take away our truth … do we not suffer? »We could say in this same context. If we ask ourselves why we always want to be right, it is inevitable to talk about egos, emotional immaturity and that mismanagement of contradiction and frustration.

We have all seen adults reacting like three-year-olds when someone disagrees with them. Not everyone handles disagreement well, not everyone welcomes assuming their own failure or wrong approach. It is something that hurts like a wound that needs plasters and hot cloths.

If we always want to, we are right, the only thing we will achieve is suffering

What do you prefer to always be right or to be happy? If your answer is the second, it is time to accept an undeniable fact: it is impossible to have the truth of everything under your power. What’s more, and that this is so, is not the end of the world. It is, in reality, an exercise in humility, wisdom and above all … well-being.

Sometimes we are not aware of the great amount of energy and time we waste defending the indefensible. There are times when it is worth getting off our pedestal, hearing opposing opinions, and then deciding. Opening ourselves to the exercise of listening is a wonderful opportunity to learn and strengthen ties.

Whoever is capable of detaching himself from the need to be right makes use of empathy, that which we lack so much in current times.

Whether we like it or not, it is much better lived by diluting the ego to reinforce understanding, openness, sensitivity and the discovery that there is no single truth. There are so many that it is foolish to keep just one. It is worth remembering that if we want to always be right, we will suffer immensely. It is not worth it, it is a matter of time to realize it.