When Out Of Fear Of Conflict We Let Injustice Reign

Day-to-day life is full of situations that can lead to conflict. You’re lining up and suddenly someone sneakily sneaks three people in front of you. Or the grocer tries to charge you more for something that you know costs less. Or your boss gives you an order that is impossible to carry out, because he woke up in a bad mood.

We all have the freedom to choose which or which of these conflict situations we respond to. Sometimes we “buy the fight” because it seems fair or reasonable to us. Other times we let it pass because it is not worth spending energy on something without major importance.

However, there are people who fail to make that choice . Or, rather, they choose in advance to give up any situation that involves having to confront another. They not only escape from debates, but also from claiming, demanding or carrying out any conduct that involves a direct conflict. What’s in them is more than fear. What they experience is a feeling of helplessness that is beyond reason.

Sometimes they are not even aware of their fear . They simply say that they prefer to be at peace and not have fights with anyone. If they work in a group, for example, and one of the team members blatantly does not do their part, these people will take on the task that the other has left to do just to avoid a dispute. They will do the work that does not correspond to them, all so as not to conflict with the other.

The strategy of avoiding conflict

Avoiding conflict is a valid strategy , as long as you avoid a greater evil. If you know that someone else is absolutely intransigent on any issue, it is useless to dispute it. Or if there is a rule in force that you do not like, but you have been warned that it is immovable, you do not want to start a confrontation.

However, there are many other cases in which the stake is something much more relevant. Your rights, for example. Or your dignity, or the respect you deserve. In those cases, you lose much more by not initiating a conflict than by avoiding it. Consciously, you know that an injustice is being done, something illegal is being done, or a degrading act is being allowed. Even so, some people keep quiet and pretend to continue as if nothing had happened.

The consequences are serious, not only because an offensive act is admitted, but also because it has effects on the emotional balance. As much as someone tries to follow his path, without giving importance to the injustice committed against him, something inside him is going to claim. This will translate into frustration, discomfort, intolerance, anguish, or perhaps physical illness.

On the other hand, these types of attitudes feed and nurture perverse social relationships. Today you let go, but tomorrow that does not stop. Whoever abuses, will not stop because the other does not offer resistance. Quite the contrary: you will feel that you have a free field to advance your logic. Avoiding conflicts does not mean resolving them. Not even get around them.

The learned avoidance

Avoid, avoid, pass by … These are behaviors that most of the time have been learned and instilled. It is made to believe, falsely, that holding back, repressing or shutting up are valid and even desirable responses. The child is not born holding back. The baby does everything but hold back. It is his environment that teaches him to do it because, ultimately, this way more control is exerted over him.

Those who avoid conflict do not get more peace or tranquility in return. What they do is “hold” and “accumulate. ” What generally happens is that the vessel fills up until it overflows for a minimal cause. It is when the one who was always silent explodes and leaves those around him terrified. Sometimes these explosions, after a long containment, can have very serious consequences.

By keeping silent in the face of injustice, you get, in the first place, to destroy your self-esteem. Without realizing it, you feed the idea that you are helpless in the face of all circumstances. And every time you feel less capable of everything. You also hurt your body. Those who contain themselves excessively are very prone to developing gastritis, ulcers, muscle problems and autoimmune diseases.

The relevant conflict should never be avoided. Nor is it healthy to go to the other extreme and react in a confrontational attitude to the slightest problem. There are ways to get around, process and resolve conflicts. Just as you learn to avoid them, you can also learn to manage them. In fact, conflict is positive because it allows you to grow, mature and gain independence. In addition, those who look at the conflict head-on are usually more satisfied and happy people.

Images courtesy of Catrin Welz-Stein