What Happens In The Heart Of A Child Who Is Not Loved?

Almost no parent is willing to admit that they do not love their child. However, this happens more often than it should. It is enough to see a child who is not loved and immediately those indelible marks of lack of affection are detected. The difference between a little one who is accepted and loved with one who is not is abysmal.

The reasons for this lack of love are many. One of the most important would be that  the decision to have children  did not obey a conscious and sufficiently reasoned desire. There was no place in the heart for that child and therefore it was impossible to build him.

When a child is the result of disaffection, he develops behaviors and expressions that express his bewilderment and discomfort. He himself does not understand what is happening to him, especially if he is very young. A child who is not loved perceives the world as a threatening place, feels lonely and would do anything to change everything.

The situation is complicated when parents are reluctant to consciously admit that, yes, they feel rejection by the child. In those cases, they design a whole series of rationalizations to justify the disaffection or abuse. Basically, they say that every aggression, or every indifference, arises for the good of the boy. That is why the child ends up confused and believing that it is he who constantly acts in a reprehensible way.

The child who is not loved and blames him

There is the mother who tells the child that it exasperates her. Or that it is “unbearable. ” Obviously many of the mothers who say this are really out of their minds; however, it is equally true that many of them were already under a very high level of stress before they began to interact with the child.

Something similar happens when the child is made demands that he cannot respond to, either because they are many, misstated or demand more skills than those corresponding to his degree of development. It may be that he is constantly sitting still, paying attention for a long period, or setting the table with the skill of an adult. In these cases, it is the parents themselves, with their lack of vision, who generate their own frustration, and what is worse, who make the child feel frustrated and incompetent.

A child who is not loved perceives that almost everything he does upsets his parents. And that nothing you do is enough for them to finally accept it. As he does not have the possibility to objectively evaluate this situation, what he develops are strong feelings of guilt for all this. You will create a negative self-perception and develop a learned helplessness: you have the feeling that whatever you do, the result is always the same, and therefore uncontrollable.

Traces of lack of affection

When a child is not loved, his heart breaks. Since he is unable to give shape or meaning to the suffering he experiences, he manifests it indirectly. They develop behaviors or ideas whose function is to let out the anguish and pain that lives inside them.

Some of the behaviors that reveal the lack of affection in a child are the following:

• Develop fears and phobias. To the dark, to some objects or animals, to certain situations. They are uncontrollable for the little one.
• It becomes very impulsive. He cannot contain his anger, or crying, or laughter, or any emotion. Their emotional expressions always have an exaggerated tone.

• It is unstable. Today they want one thing and tomorrow another. They also change their behavior from one moment to the next. Something typical in children, but in those who perceive that they are not loved, this trait is more pronounced.
• You develop anxious behaviors, such as not being able to stay still or prying all the time, or any other type of repetitive behavior
• He has trouble concentrating, paying attention, and often struggling academically.
• It is invisible or it tries. It is there, but it is as if it is not there. It tries to hide, to hide, to “not exist.”
• Has poor social skills. He feels uncomfortable or is very transgressive when he is with other children or adults.

A child who is not loved, without affection, becomes very distrustful. Shows many signs of confusion and concern. Sometimes they are very stupid and sometimes extremely stiff and formal for their age. In general, they are seen as sad, subservient, and eager for reinforcement.

The human being needs caresses, hugs and loving words throughout his life. Especially in the early years, these displays of affection are the emotional food necessary to grow: they are a basic need, like eating or sleeping. No father is perfect, but once you have a child, yes or yes, you have to work to make him feel loved and welcomed in the family that is going to grow.