Toxic Mothers
Research carried out has shown that babies perceive external sounds and the mother’s emotions in the womb since pregnancy. Therefore, it is very important that we know how to detect toxic mothers. Well, babies will be influenced by that toxicity they have.
In the state of pregnancy, some women, depending on the emotional environment at conception, develop feelings of rejection of the baby, which may increase if postnatal depression occurs. This being in most cases a temporary situation.
Why are some mothers toxic mothers?
One explanation may be that they too were abused in childhood , where they learned that the world is by definition an unsafe place. In this way, the behavior of these mothers was shaped by the same treatment that they now give their children. Interestingly, when they were abused, some told themselves that they would never act with their children in this way.
Toxic mothers are controlling. They use comparisons and public humiliation as a method of control. Thus they subjected her to it. When the mother bears more children, depending on the position she occupies, she will identify with one of them, directing her preference in disregard of the others.
That is where the comparison comes in. There is no weapon more destructive than the unfair comparison. Exalting one, diminishing the other. Its gain is to have an ally among the children who is on their side. You need to form an alliance with other family members to exercise control.
Manipulation is another face of toxic behavior in parents. The mother usually places herself as a victim to generate feelings of guilt in her son or daughter. Especially when they as adults make autonomous decisions
Toxic mothers still treat their children as if they were still children, denying their adult role. Control can range from the choice of clothing, color, style, to the way of speaking. Becoming more critical of the situation when they decide to start a family . They want to teach in the family of their children.
How to raise grandchildren, how you should prepare food and until when you should or should not conceive children. Of course, the choice of the partner is a trigger for discord in many cases , as they tend to disapprove of that decision.
Do they act this way only because they learned it in childhood? Well no. Behind this behavior, hides the fear of abandonment or loneliness. Situation that occurs some time later when the children fail to place the limit to their family and individual space.
In the case of only children, or with some illness or disabling condition, the situation turns into a bill pass. It is a recital of: for you I left, I did, I sacrificed myself, etc. The son is questioned for not thinking like her.
How to act in this situation?
It is important first to recognize that professional help is required. Because the wounds inflicted, if not treated, have a very high percentage of spreading to their own children. The cycle of toxicity has to be broken.
In addition, it is recommended to the extent that the economic situation allows it, to put a physical distance between the controlling parent and the son or daughter. It must be admitted that when the adult child is still financially dependent on the mother, it is difficult to set limits. However, it is important to maintain independence using other skills and not assume that one type of dependency forces others to assume.
Psychological work is important here because when detecting manipulation: after an interval of indignation at the confrontation with reality, it is common for the parent to release the weight of guilt. When we recognize manipulation we can protect ourselves and break the bond.
Therefore, if this is your situation, seek professional help. Don’t argue, you only increase frustration, anger, and pain. Be assertive. Break the circle and don’t repeat the script. Let’s put an end to toxic mothers.
