Those Who Neither Eat Nor Stop Eating (personal Insecurity)
Surely throughout your life, you have come across these types of profiles on more than one occasion. People with whom it is difficult to live, work and even establish a healthy friendship… How to achieve it? In a moment they are accessible and permissive, and in a few seconds, they build insurmountable walls where it is impossible to achieve or do anything.
What is behind these types of personalities? A clear personal insecurity ? Envy? Or just wanting to complicate life for those around you? We know, it is not easy to live with them, sometimes they even manage to awaken the worst in ourselves, however, we must accept them and treat them for what they are: insecure people.
We must also add that the relationship with these types of profiles becomes even more complicated when our own emotional partners behave like the protagonist of Lope de Vega’s classic work , “The dog in the manger. ” What can we do? What strategies should we assume in these cases?
Let’s see.
Yes but no … Personal insecurity
“Yes, but no …” “Today everything you say and do seems good to me, but tomorrow I will not see it well because somehow, it forces me to make up my mind and I’m not ready for it.” We have all experienced this type of situation at some time when our confidence, our hopes, are suddenly collapsed like a paper boat escaping downstream.
The personal insecurity appears in any sphere of our personal circle, however, consider the most common cases:
-Insecurity in the education of children: parents who base their education on weak norms, on constant changes of approach that end up projecting the same insecurity on the children. An example? Parents who promise their children that they will do certain things, that they allow them to go to that appointment, that excursion, that party … But later, they reconsider and give them a refusal.
-Insecurity at the partner level: in this case we can explain innumerable situations that may be very familiar to you. From those people who one day are completely accessible, open to a commitment to future plans, to, in a short time, radically change their opinion and offer only vague excuses. And even more, it is also very common to meet those couples who have broken their relationship, or at least one of them has wanted it, and yet, never ends up moving away. He never ends “breaking” the bond, which generates even more suffering.
-Our friendships: who doesn’t have the classic friend who always needs our opinion or advice to do something? He is usually close and caring, however, when things do not go as he or she expects, we are ultimately responsible. They show dependence and detachment at the same time, a mixture that sometimes seems to be camouflaged with affection and then with envy.
Those who neither eat nor allow us to eat How to defend ourselves?
How do we treat people who “catch” us with their personal insecurity ? We cannot break our ties with them, they are part of our life, that is clear, so the most advisable, the most appropriate thing is that we learn to treat them.
-First understand that you cannot change anyone from one day to the next. Far from solving “their problem”, start first by protecting yourself by avoiding being manipulated. Be clear about your values, your limits and what you are willing to allow and what you are not.
-Expresses clearly how you feel every time they change their mind or when they are not clear with their feelings. Make them see that their actions, their words, have consequences.
-Be clear that insecure people tend to generate “negative emotions.” The last thing you should do in these cases is to take responsibility for their actions. If you are in a relationship with a person with this profile, do not attribute their ups and downs to yourself, do not get carried away by that emotional “merry-go-round” in which “I love you today but not tomorrow.” The other person has the problem, not you, so objectively assess how far you are willing to go, and what you are going to allow.
-A secure person does not doubt, let alone drag others into their channels of insecurity and personal dilemmas. If you think you are wasting your time, stay away. Now, if you appreciate that person, make him see what his behavior generates, but always in a constructive, open and firm way.
