Slaves Of Social Approval?

The common thing is that everyone says: “What others think is worth a fig.” And yet, in practice, day by day and in every corner, we see that this is not true. There is a strongly established structure in the world, which conditions based on three determining factors: power, reward and punishment. And very few manage to escape the impositions of that logic.

All human beings depend to some extent on others. The myth of the hermit is that: a myth. Even drinking water reaches our homes through the action of others and if they abandoned us when we were born, it would be difficult for us to survive. Although we are alone, the horizon of others is always there. This gregarious condition of the human being is at the core of the need for approval.

When needing approval is a problem

Let’s make it clear that we all need to feel approved of by others, to some degree. Unless there is a serious pathology, anyone feels happy when their being is appreciated, accepted and valued by others. This nurtures self-esteem and allows you to move forward with more confident steps through life.

In principle, that approval and that feeling of self-confidence are the consequence of having a mother who is good enough and emotionally healthy enough. Unfortunately, many do not have such a charitable figure. The mother, or the person who takes care of the first stage of life, may not have the psychological resources to convey acceptance and appreciation of their own.

A mother, or her surrogate, who does not offer affection, will cause a strong fracture in the lives of her children. This lack will be experienced as an indefinable emptiness and, mainly, as a permanent sense of doubt in the face of one’s own worth. An abusive mother will also reinforce the idea of ​​threat and fear of life. Much worse when you combine abuse with permissiveness.

The situation becomes even more complicated when there is no father figure, or the father figure is dysfunctional. Under these conditions, all the favorable circumstances have been created for a person to develop serious difficulties with himself.

Deciphering the Approval Logic

Self-rejection is a neurosis that is installed by upbringing, to a greater or lesser extent. This results in individuals with difficulties affirming their thoughts, feelings and way of living in front of the world. Sometimes these difficulties also turn into mental disorders.

Without realizing it, a person who suffers from strong emotional deficiencies from early childhood will tend to do everything in their power to fill that void. From the outset, he assumes himself as a human being in a state of need, of vulnerability; he fails to become aware of all the resources available to him to develop his autonomy.

In one way or another, he takes the blame for his mother’s unhappiness, or for his father’s abandonment, distance, or mistreatment. So it seems as if his mission in life is to please every figure who engenders authority, unconsciously hoping to please his own parents and thus finally achieve their affection.

The exit to this dramatic circle, as in so many other occasions, can probably be in the office of a specialist in the human mind.

Image courtesy of bass_nroll