Postmodern Loneliness And Love Myths

Postmodern solitudes are the result of a long process in which the concept of individualism has been progressively imposed. Slowly, two contradictory ideas have been imposed on the culture. One, that everyone must create their own niche. The other, that loneliness is something terrible.

In the same way, postmodern loneliness derives from a fact that is becoming more and more palpable: we are afraid of the other. The concept of neighbor has almost completely disappeared. In our world there are people from our environment and strangers. And we don’t want to know anything about the latter. There is something threatening about strangers.

The result is a society in which people are increasingly lonely, but struggle against loneliness. We have created a world in which we are not capable of living in community, but not alone either. Both loneliness and company have become a problem.

Loneliness, a concept that became problematic

The theme of loneliness did not have major significance until romanticism. Before this, loneliness was not a source of great reflections , nor of deep existential problems. It was accepted as a fact that we were born alone and died alone.

Nor did individualism have such a preponderant place. People basically lived in community. It was usual for the whole family to live in a house. Grandparents, children, grandchildren, and often close relatives as well. Neighborhood relations were also very strong. People knew each other when they lived in a nearby place.

In the same way, there were collective rituals , which involved practically an entire population. Mass or Sunday service, local festivals, etc. In short, there was a clear concept that everyone was part of a community.

With romanticism this changed. The couple became the answer to everything. An isolated, private couple, immersed in their own world. Society gradually began to organize itself around the couple and the minimal family nucleus it gave rise to. In parallel, loneliness began to take on a dramatic connotation and became undesirable.

Postmodern solitudes

After that step from the great family and the great community to the couples’ society, a new reality began to emerge with the introduction of new technologies. Thus the postmodern solitudes were officially inaugurated. These move within a fundamental contradiction: we are connected to the whole world and we feel more alone than ever.

Some people feel so lonely that they feel bad when they don’t win a like by posting on social media. In fact, there is so much loneliness that there are already addicts to social networks. They are captured by the fact that they are receiving and sending messages, even if they do not say anything.

In turn, in the context of postmodern solitudes, the couple acquired a totally disproportionate meaning. It is assumed that not having a partner is being alone. As if the world was composed solely of the couple. And a love break throws us into the abyss of total misery. As if only the couple were a source of gratification.

Question the myths of love and loneliness

Perhaps the time has come to question those myths around loneliness and love. Postmodern solitudes prove that we are wrong in something. Culture, as it is, is not leading us to a feeling of peace, wholeness or happiness. Rather, the opposite is true. Emotional difficulties or psychological problems are becoming more frequent.

Let’s start by remembering something that most of us know: we all need love. However, couple love is just one of the many manifestations of that feeling. There is also love in the family, with friends, to ideas and causes, to humanity and of course, to ourselves. Reducing our worries and expectations only to the love of a couple impoverishes us enormously and makes us more vulnerable.

Likewise, it is worth questioning the content of these postmodern solitudes. When do we start to deny loneliness? It is a reality to which there is no antidote. We were born alone and we will die alone. Others are always in our life on loan. The more and better we understand each other with our loneliness, the more capable we will be to live and also to die.