Mindful Listening, An Act Of Generosity

When a person tells us something, he expects us to pay attention to him, to put our worries away for a moment and team up to face his. In a way, what he demands of us, what we demand is an act of  conscious listening: a disinterested act in which we lend our cognitive resources. Hence, conscious listening is an act of generosity.

Does it sound like you wanting to tell something important to you and being interrupted continuously with the phrases “Well, it happens to me that …”, or “You should have said or done this”, or “The same thing happened to me when …” or even ask you a question that has nothing to do with the topic you are talking about?

In those moments you may feel bad. To see a wall built before you called frustration. That feeling, so familiar especially in adolescence, that the world is a strange place without any contour that fits yours. The logical consequence is that you stop making efforts to communicate, or that those you do seem increasingly desperate.

It also often happens that you do it with other people and this has the same unpleasant consequences. If you want to improve your relationships and communication with others, it is imperative that you practice mindful listening.

What is mindful listening?

Inmaculada Domínguez is a psychologist who has studied the subject in depth. We will then focus on your investigations to try to answer. As its name suggests,  active listening is listening that we consciously and voluntarily perform. Elements such as empathy, love for the other person, respect and attention come into play.

It is about letting the other speak, paying real attention to what they are saying, not interrupting, asking questions that show interest in the subject so that the other person feels truly heard. Of course, this represents an act of true generosity to the other, of true concern for him or her.

In this way, we give time and open space both in our hearts and in our minds to the interlocutor, something of which we are very much in need because the lack of time, the culture of immediacy and self-centeredness make us unconsciously not Let’s spend neither time nor listening to others, something that seriously damages our social relationships.

Why the lack of conscious listening can harm social relationships?

We need to be heard, a need that is part of our nature as social beings. If listening is not reciprocal, the other person will perceive a lack of interest in their feelings and their life, and honestly, nobody likes to be with someone who does not care.

Unfortunately, it is something that happens to the vast majority, and that has also increased with new technologies. You see groups of people who do not speak because they are waiting on their cell phones. So why do they come together?

People are aware of what happens on the network, what they think, what they want to say, their concerns, their tasks, etc. But never stop, remain silent and listen to what others want to say to you, and that also generates a lot of confusion that can lead to arguments.

How to practice mindful listening?

If you want to improve your life, your relationships with others and with yourself, develop this type of listening, you will notice the difference:

• It begins by meditating, it is a way to stop your mind and be aware of the here and now. Through breathing and relaxation you will realize that you are able to stop the whirlwind of your mind and focus on only one thing.
• Listen with your body and not only with your mind, adopt his posture, adapt it to that of the person, get closer, but without invading his living space, throw the trunk a little forward, that he feels cared for.
• Don’t interrupt. If you need to ask any questions related to the subject, wait your moment.
• Observe their gestures and the expression on their face will complement the information that the other communicates with words.

Practicing conscious listening will be an act of generosity with your interlocutor and with yourself. The other because he will receive a gift as valuable as your involvement, with yourself because this challenge always represents an opportunity to grow.