I’m Fine, The Most Common Emotional Cry

I’m fine, nothing’s wrong. This set of words hides a confused message that we do not always notice, but that, nevertheless, can contain quite serious realities. So, after that daily “how are you?” many avoid giving an honest answer because they have become used to masking emotional pain, striving to show an image of resolute normality.

The best thing to do in all cases is to dare to be honest. Hiding in the shells of our personal sufferings creates a scab, sinks us layer by layer into a dangerous layer where we assume that no one can understand us and, therefore, not help us either.

For example, a few years ago the UK Mental Health Foundation conducted a survey to find out how many times the population used to pronounce the classic expression “I’m fine”.

The results they reached were the following: there are 14 times we say these words aloud per week. Likewise, of the analyzed sample, only 19% said they felt really good and, therefore, answered with sincerity. The rest not only resort to that catchphrase for mere social formalism, they also admit that revealing their emotions, problems and discomfort to others is as uncomfortable as it is inappropriate.

If the UK Mental Health Foundation carried out this study, it was for a very specific reason. The rates of depression are increasing every year, and not only that, it is reaching a point where much of the population has a hard time talking about their concerns and psychological discomfort with others (including friends, family, etc.).

Why insist that I’m okay if it’s not true?

We do it over and over again. In our daily interactions, the now classic is rarely missing. ‘” Hey, how are you? Well I’m fine, thank you ” . We could say that these phrases have become little more than a social convention or even a habit that is now worthless. Now, does this mean that if the postman or the neighbor or the supermarket cashier asks us how we are doing, we must explain in detail what is going on in our heads?

Dr. Abigael Saint, an author who has participated in the aforementioned work, points out that we must find a middle ground. It is necessary to stop lying, making believe that everything is fine when it is not. It would therefore be a matter of resorting to a ‘half truth’ with those people who are not part of our close circle. Expressions like ‘not so good right now but this is passing or I’ve had better days’ create a slightly more authentic social interaction.

• Make use of adequate emotional hygiene where we share with others our concerns about well-being.
• It is necessary to become aware of something: it is a priority to promote a social interaction where we can speak without fear or reluctance about our emotional state with those around us. In this way, realities such as depression would cease to be a stigma.
• Something that experts point out is that we are becoming a ‘hermetic’ humanity. What does this mean? Basically, it is very difficult for us to open ourselves to others in psychological matters. To this day, this is something that is seen frequently in our teenagers.

I don’t know how to express my emotions, I don’t know how to talk about what happens to me

In the survey cited at the beginning, we are told that more than 75% of the population admitted that it is very difficult for them to express their emotions. They know that there is something there, something that hurts, that clouds their day to day; it is such a complex internal state that they do not know how to begin to share with someone.

Thus, behind the “I’m fine” can be found the shadow of a mood disorder such as depression. These psychological discomforts become sounding boards that leave us trapped. Not everyone knows how to open up to others, because as we well know, it is difficult to name feelings and let go of that very complex ball that alters the quality of life.

If we ask someone “how are you?” let’s go beyond words

The responsibility for not seeking help from those who suffer is not yours alone. Often times, those who have a hard time have stopped thinking reasonably and are living on automatic pilot. He does not see any way out, he is suspicious and may even assume that “no one can help me.” We, as friends, as parents, siblings, neighbors or simple co-workers must be more alert when it comes to detecting distress in others.

Therefore, when faced with the classic question of “how are you?” and the answer “I’m fine”, we should be able to go a little further. It never hurts to intuit what that face expresses, that tone of voice, those movements.

In case of intuiting a certain contradiction, let’s not fall into expressions such as “sure? Well, the face you’re wearing doesn’t say that. ‘”  The best thing to do in these cases would be: “ I want you to know that if at any time you need something, you can count on me. If you want to talk, here I am.

To conclude, now that we are clear that behind the “I’m fine” there are many hidden needs, let’s try to hold conversations to promote emotional connection, where we can talk about mental health issues and normalize these realities, often so neglected in our society .