I Don’t Want To Improve: Resistance In Psychotherapy
María arrived the first day very excited to the consultation. She believed that together with a professional the problems that were addressed would be easier to solve. However, she soon began to feel attacked, to deny that reality that her psychotherapist spoke to her so much about. She did not feel identified and even came to think that she did not need psychotherapy because the professional was not the right one for her. What he was not aware of was that the resistances in psychotherapy had begun to manifest.
Nobody likes to admit that they are jealous, envious or that they have made a mistake. When Maria arrived at the consultation, she believed in a reality that collapsed when the professional, oblivious to her, explained what he saw. Maria had depression. After a very painful divorce, sadness invaded her, the mood swings became habitual and she stopped being herself. It was then that he decided to ask for help.
Resistances in psychotherapy are natural
The resistances in psychotherapy are totally normal. What Maria felt was something natural, because her point of view had suddenly changed completely. She came to the consultation feeling like a victim. Her partner had mistreated her, she had been unfaithful and she had been putting up with that person for 20 years because she loved her, or so she believed.
However, in the consultation the psychotherapist inquired a little more about the subject and realized that María had also seen other people during the relationship, that she held a grudge and that, at present, she felt jealous because her ex-partner was already with another person. Upon hearing such statements, Maria denied everything emphatically. She believed that all this was a consequence of the actions of her ex-partner and did not want to take responsibility for them.
This is the first of the resistances, the denial of a reality that we do not want to accept but that also influences us. Maria avoided something that seemed invasive and painful. But that hasty denial betrayed that there was a problem. However, when there was a small advance another difficulty arose, the progress was too slow.
Maria began to miss the consultations, to say that she was ill to go to the appointment … Progress did not occur from one day to the next and this discouraged her. It was then that the psychotherapist spoke to Maria about fear, impatience, and unrealistic expectations.
After overcoming this, how could it be otherwise, another of the resistances in psychotherapy arose, that of believing that “I’m fine now.” After two difficulties, almost resolved, Maria believed she was ready. However, this was nothing more than going back to the beginning. A defensive attitude to escape from a situation that still had a lot of work ahead of it.
However, this was all very positive. The subsequent “I don’t have time”, “I don’t need it” and other excuses that Maria was imposing on herself served the therapist as a tool to show Maria the self-boycott that she herself was carrying out.
Working with different techniques, using the story of “someone” so that Maria could see her own situation from a different perspective, they made these resistances fall under their own weight. This enriched him greatly and broadened his previously very limited perspective. Little by little, Maria realized what was happening and began to accept it.
We all have a hard time admitting that we are jealous, when in reality we believe that it is the other person who acts in an inappropriate way. We also say that we do not hold a grudge, but it is only until someone brings up that thorny topic that it makes us jump in anger. Sometimes a problem that is difficult to ignore hides deeper and less visible ones. On countless occasions, n we will lie to ourselves, but we can not lie to others and much less if you are dealing with a professional.
Images courtesy Malik Stern, Art Velu Ríos
