Four Signs That Reveal An Abusive Relationship
It is not easy to set rigid parameters to define an abusive relationship. In fact, the same criterion of “abuse” cannot be applied to all relationships in which there is an exploiter and an exploited. In the strict sense, abuse as such is configured if one of the parties is prevented from responding on equal terms, in the face of coercion, aggression and intimidation.
There is abuse when someone uses their position of power or preeminence to control the behavior of the other, based on their own needs. There is abuse when a person takes advantage of the physical or emotional fragility of another to put them at their service. An abuse is also configured if there is some circumstance by which one person depends on another and that dependence is used to coerce them or restrict their freedom of action.
Sometimes the abuse is not so obvious, because it is not sustained by hitting or yelling. Sometimes, a systematic process of disqualification, manipulation and blackmail is simply put in place, so that someone becomes a person unable to act, respond or decide freely. At the same time, all this is justified by claiming great love or the search for well-being for the other.
The truth is that in all cases, abuse leaves traces. It leaves them in the heart and in the mind. Mine creative resources and make life a true ode to fear. Therefore, you should be aware of some signs that can warn you about the fact that you are in the middle of an abusive relationship.
Fear: an unequivocal sign that there is an abusive relationship
Fear is perhaps the most obvious sign that we are in an abusive relationship. Sometimes it is a crude and obvious fear: the person becomes very tense in the presence of the other and constantly thinks about the “punishments” or the consequences that the fact of antagonizing that person can bring.
Other times, the fear is more subtle. It can manifest as excessive scruple about pleasing the other. It is not intended to give him reasons to change his mood and for this reason, he constantly thinks about what must be done so that that person is satisfied.
Excessive control over everything you do
In an abusive relationship, one of you has to give the other a permanent account of everything you do, and even what you think or feel. It seems to you as if you are not free to move or act, without consulting or informing the other person.
That control is likely to extend to your finances, and even the way you dress or style your hair. Virtually everything you do must go through the approval of the other person and if this does not happen, you hardly move forward.
You feel a fence of guilt
In abusive relationships of any kind, an almost constant feeling of guilt appears. You feel inadequate and unable to defend the validity of what you say or do. That person who is a source of abuse, constantly criticizes you and, for that very reason, leads you to blame yourself.
One of two situations can occur, or both: it seems to you as if the other person has the truth and it is their criteria that sanctions the good or bad of each action, or you think they are wrong, but you do not dare to confront them. Both scenarios generate guilt. In one case, for not adjusting to what that someone expects of you. In the other, for not being able to set a limit.
Threat and coercion are present
In an abusive relationship, one eventually forces the other to do something they don’t want to do. This can be done through direct aggression, or through more subtle threats and coercion. However, the essence is that you do not want to do something and you are forced to do it by the pressure of the other.
The abuser is very clear about where his power comes from. If it is from economic dependence, your direct or veiled threats will be focused there. If it is from fear of blows, the situation will be similar. If his power comes from an emotional dependence, he will play on the fear of abandonment. And so on.
You must bear in mind that if we are talking about two adults without physical or mental limitations, for there to be abuse, two are needed. Both are responsible for the abuse and it is not uncommon for the abuse to be mutual: while one coerces with force, for example, the other responds by blackmailing him with victimhood. So this is a situation that must be resolved because, sooner rather than later, it affects those involved very negatively.
