Being Good With Yourself Is Better Than Being Good With Everyone

Understanding that being good with yourself is preferable to being good with everyone is synonymous with health and well-being. It is like the learning that is acquired after a long trip, where little by little certain situations are left behind to move lightly, free of loads in the backpack and stones in the shoes. It is an awakening that allows us to lead life with more integrity.

Although the theory, on the surface, is easy to understand and even allows to write more than one book on personal growth, it can be said that in practice many of us fail. To understand it better, we will give a small example to reflect on. Imagine ourselves looking out the window at something that happens every morning at the same time. There is our neighbor, taking out his little bonsai every day so that it receives regular sunlight. She cares for it with care and obsessive dedication: she prunes it, waters it, nourishes it … we could even say that she cares for it.

It is something that draws our attention a lot for a very specific fact . Our neighbor has never seemed to us a particularly happy man, he has a job that he does not like and he is the classic person who tries to be good with everyone. His selfless need to please has made him a puppet that almost anyone pulls: family, bosses, friends … In fact, they stretch their “strings” so much that they have already begun to give way: our young neighbor has already suffered his first threat of heart attack.

Every day when we see him come out with his beautiful and well cared bonsai we wonder why he does not take care of himself with the same dedication and love as he does his little tree. Being good with oneself is something that without a doubt our neighbor should learn to practice, perhaps pruning certain relationships, nurturing self-esteem and looking for that warmth with which to recover dignity, self-esteem and well-being …

Being good with oneself, a matter of logic and necessity

Epícteto said that “just as when we walk we try not to step on a nail or twist an ankle, in life we ​​should behave with the same attention”; that is, preventing others from harming us, avoiding harm, and wisely safeguarding ourselves from all evil. However, sometimes we do not: we neglect ourselves with nocturnal and treacherous behavior. We forget that, to stop being good with oneself, to prioritize others, is not healthy.

We overlook, perhaps, that trying to please everyone by postponing your own needs is neither logical nor advisable. Likewise, allowing our lives to go by feeling bad about ourselves for this and that, feeling empty, indecisive and frustrated forces us to pay a high price. 

Let us remember that what is cared for prospers, and that what is defended and nurtured bears fruit. Thus, something we should also reflect on is that there are times when it would be necessary to put aside the emotional aspects to make use of reason. Separating what we feel and remembering what we need is often a priority.

We are aware that Emotional Intelligence carries a lot of weight today; however, there are very specific moments where the most logical and rational thought is the one that works best. The reason? It is this type of mental approach that most urges us to make firm decisions to initiate changes for our own benefit.

Erich Fromm said that people have the subtle capacity to live in a constant contradiction. This means that sometimes we tell ourselves that if others are happy I am happy, that if I tell such a person that what he does is good for me, even if it is not like that, I will achieve his acceptance and satisfaction, and this will offer me well-being. .

Such dualities are destructive, they are situations of high emotional cost where meaning and reason should prevail above all else: if I don’t like something, I walk away, if I don’t agree, I say so, if it hurts me I defend myself, if I’m not happy I act to be it in my own way.

The way to be good with yourself

The way to be well with oneself starts from the sense of balance. It is far from being a matter of practicing self-indulgence and prioritizing ourselves in almost any terrain, time, or circumstance. The healthiest well-being does not derive in narcissism, but in that healthy coexistence where one understands that to “be” one must also “let be”.

To achieve this, we can reflect on the following dimensions. Each of them requires an adequate internalization to be able to integrate it into our lives, with courage and adequate psychological solvency:

• Self-confidence. Believing in our own internal resources will allow us to be more competent when making decisions, to move forward knowing who does and who does not, what we need at all times and how we can achieve those objectives.

• I learn to rationalize my thoughts. When we stop being well with ourselves it is almost always due to that exhausting, critical and negative internal dialogue that puts walls to our personal growth. Let us therefore learn to rationalize thoughts, to demolish fears and to stop being our own enemies.
• Let’s be friends of life. Instead of wanting to be “friends with everyone,” to be okay with everyone to feel accepted, let’s change the focus a bit. Let us be friends of life, let us be receptive to opportunities, optimism, the sense of freedom and not that of complacency and dependence on others.
• Discover the potential in you. When we discover our strengths, when we take advantage of our virtues, capacities and talents, everything in us is harmonized. We feel brave to start things without depending on others, things that satisfy us and that allow us to move forward feeling good.

To conclude, let’s remember that when someone feels good about themselves, what chance throws at them begins to matter less. Inside you there is so much energy, confidence and optimism that nothing will be able to stop you. Let’s not waste that value that we all carry inside.