11 Phrases You Shouldn’t Say To Yourself
Perhaps you have ever stopped to think that you never stop talking to yourself. This internal dialogue is what allows us to integrate and make sense of the events that occur around us.
Although it can give us the feeling that these thoughts as they come they go away, the truth is that there is a constant interaction between them and how we act, how we feel and how our environment reacts.
People control, to a large extent, our own destiny by feeling and acting according to our values and beliefs.
Our society, our family and, in general, our environment indoctrinates us in such a way that we come to believe a series of superstitious or nonsensical ideas, which upset us emotionally.
For example, the need to have the approval of others at all costs, how terrible it is that things do not go our way, the belief that happiness can be achieved by inertia or inaction, etc. Thus, it is frequent that in our internal dialogue we pronounce some of the phrases that we should never say to ourselves:
1. I must succeed in everything I set my mind to / There are only winners or losers in this life. It could be said that all or nothing is not positive or healthy for us. Is this belief really founded? The great personalities of history or the great empires were built on the basis of mistakes (the discovery of X-rays, Fleming and penicillin; Christopher Columbus intended to reach India and not America).
2. If I fail in this it is because I am inept, if I am wrong I will fail. Failing and failing is part of success. You have to give yourself the opportunity and give yourself the right to do it because that is what will lead you to achieve what you set out to do.
3. If I don’t get the acceptance and approval of others, I won’t be able to be happy. This type of belief is one of the most common. It is important not to feel rejected but it is neither necessary nor possible for everyone to accept us. It is a reality that we have to live with and that will help us to accept ourselves.
4. I can’t live without you / I need you to be happy. As we already reviewed in this article, these types of thoughts have their origin in a misconception of love and self-giving, but you can learn to protect your emotional independence.
5. You don’t agree with me because you don’t like me. / Others don’t value me because I’m worthless. / My personal worth depends on what others think of me. For common people, criticism means personal rejection; perhaps the reason is that we are not very good at building reviews that provide positive aspects.
For this very reason, unfounded criticisms must be questioned from a rational point of view. Emerson once said: “Don’t let me make the vulgar mistake of dreaming that I am persecuted every time someone contradicts me.”
6. I can’t stand others telling me what to do. Obviously you are the one who should carry out your tasks but you should not blind yourself in ignoring advice or external evaluations. This does not prevent you from revalidating yourself as a person or losing your identity, but rather absorbing enough of your environment to be better every day. Neither white nor black, in this sense gray tones are accepted.
7. I am not good enough. / I can’t, it’s not worth trying, I won’t get it. Here we must tell you not to forget a very important premise in your life: whether you think you can or if you think you can’t, you will be right. That is, wanting is power and that the first step to achieve it is to try, over and over again.
8. You must not trust anyone, you must always be on your guard. We distrust because we know that human beings are wrong, because we are wrong, because we want to protect ourselves from those mistakes. This is not new, we have locks, padlocks and keys to protect what is important in our lives, how can we not protect ourselves! Now, is this mistrust really effective?
Perhaps that mistrust will lead others to behave as you expect based on your reactions (self-fulfilling prophecy). That will always take away from you.
9. I am better than others. Humility builds the foundations of decency and honor. It is often said that for an older person there is another superior and really believing ourselves superior to others will lead us to maintain an arrogant and undesirable attitude. We know Socrates as one of the wisest men that ever lived and at the same time he is credited with the phrase “I only know that I know nothing.” Contradictory, right? Maybe not so much, stop and think about it.
10. I am useless / I am worthless. There is no uselessness and this thought can lead you to become demotivated, put aside your aspirations and abandon yourself to inertia. All of us, absolutely all of us, are in constant action with ourselves and our environment. What evidence do you have to believe that you are worthless?
11. He doesn’t love me anymore, I deserve it. I guarantee that what you deserve is to think that you deserve the best. Suffering when someone moves away from us is inevitable but it is appropriate that your forces are within yourself and with it your rewards and pleasures.
If you think that you do not pronounce any of these phrases to yourself, we invite you to review what comes to mind by starting different phrases with “I should do / I should be / I have to be, etc. Are there really no harmful thoughts for you?
In case you feel identified with any of the aspects discussed, we give you the keys to avoid these thoughts:
-Accept only as reality those facts that can be observed and verified. Dinner may not have turned out well for you but that does not mean that you are useless, surely you do dozens of things a day that prove that you are not.
-Accept as valid only those propositions that are derived logically, without contradictions. That is, BE LOGICAL as well as REASONABLE when assessing yourself. Do not allow yourself contradictions or frustrations.
-Be flexible and be willing to change one’s ideas and theories based on new information. If you stop to observe from another prism reality can be more rewarding. People who adopt a flexible and tolerant way of thinking feel much better about themselves and do not boycott themselves.
-You cannot condemn or reward something in absolute terms. Avoid making categorical all-or-nothing statements. Dispense with the use of words like always / never when assessing yourself and your environment as they indicate that something cannot change. Do not judge yourself in terms of essence but in terms of behavior (For example, saying that “You are clueless” is not good for you, replace it with “you are very clueless”)
-It is important to contemplate our thoughts and attributions from a probability perspective and not with blind certainty. “It’s probably hard to get it but I’m going to try” is substantially different from “I’m not going to get it, I will never be able to do it”
You may realize that you are distorting but still not be able to let go of your vision. Try to determine what factors influence what happens to you, always look for alternative interpretations even when you are very sure of what you think, look for solutions, question the evidence and contrast your predictions with reality. Life is wonderful.
Image courtesy of Sangoiri
