Why Does A Loving Couple Separate?

Why does a loving couple separate? We see it daily. What’s more, we may even have gone through that experience ourselves. Having to leave who you love, say goodbye forever to who could be everything and in the end, it came to nothing. Breakups that hide something more than simple incompatibility, the weight of routine or communication problems.

On average, those who still profess affection often go through numerous back and forth before proceeding to the final breakup. There are distances and reboots, there are plenty of ” this doesn’t work, we’d better give ourselves some time ” and “let’s try again, but let’s get it right this time .” Despite this, nothing seems to help, because love in that final stage already hurts, it hurts and the measures that are taken only enlarge the wound.

Françoise Sagan points out that loving is not just wanting, it is actually about understanding, being able to connect with the reality of the other. Perhaps that is one of the main reasons why we let go of people we loved, to be ourselves and not lose ourselves in perpetual suffering.

Reasons why a loving couple separates

For a good part of our lives (especially when we are younger) we take it for granted that love is the glue that holds everything together.

We feel fortunate to find someone to love and, above all, to be loved. However, as we progress through years and experiences, we discover with some disappointment that love cannot do everything, nor is it the magic formula in happy relationships.

To understand the reason for the stability or the most common causes of breakups between couples, it is common to review the now classic studies of John Gottman. Over the past 40 years, both he and UC Berkeley professor of psychobiology Robert Levenson have studied these relational dynamics through follow-ups, therapies, interviews, and self-reports.

Thus, although achieving a happy and lasting relationship seems almost as complex as solving a rubik’s cube, in reality it is not so complex. Not if we know what they basically are, those factors that allow us to understand, for example, why a loving couple separates. That circumstance is perhaps the most striking and delicate. Let’s delve into the reasons.

You to Mars and I to Saturn, different life projects

We can be united to a person by many points. Passion, attraction, friendship, complicity and even that magic capable of making any situation transcendent. However, there is a cliff that does not close, a suffering that does not go away.

That something is often the life projects of each one. Maybe, for you, your work is decisive, that goal in which you place your plans for the future. However, your partner does not see that aspiration favorably. It may also happen that one wants to have a family and the other is not prepared for such a dimension.

I love you, but I don’t understand you

Understanding basically requires putting yourself in the shoes of the other without ceasing to be yourself to connect with a foreign reality. Something that at first glance seems basic and essential, is not a fact that is achieved so often in a relationship. Sometimes love does not know or want to understand .

Why does a loving couple separate? You don’t value me as I deserve

One of the reasons why a loving couple separates is often due to a lack of appreciation. There are times when time tends to take its toll on us and it does so in a very specific way. It is very common to start taking many things for granted: the actions of the other, the efforts, the details, the wills, the virtues …

It is true that it is not necessary that they glorify us for what we are or do, but at the level of a couple that recognition and validation towards the other is needed.

You hear me, but you don’t hear me (communication problems)

The quality of communication is one of the most decisive elements for a relationship to have a future. Knowing how to listen, speak assertively, know how to argue without emotions dominating us and being able to reach agreements, is the rossetta stone in any affective bond.

Therefore, another explanation of why a partner separates who is in love is often in this trigger in many cases.

When life tests us and we give up

The couple is not an isolated entity, it is not protected by a sphere that separates it from life events and circumstances. There is the family, the parents, that bond that can sometimes cling to one of the members to the point of restricting the relationship, of putting impediments to which nothing is done.

There is the work environment and even the social one, dimensions that can test a couple in many ways. There may be infidelities or even attempts, facts that germinate mistrust in a relationship.

Likewise, there can also be events when we suddenly see what our partner is like: an illness, a legal problem … Seeing how they react can mean discovering that perhaps it was not what we thought.

To conclude, sometimes it can be difficult for us to understand why a loving couple separates. However, once again, we must be aware that a relationship does not arise and is sustained only by love.

A relationship is built, it is worked as a delicate craft that needs many elements to remain firm, beautiful, lasting …