Adoption: 4 Thoughts To Take Into Account

Adoption is a great opportunity for people who cannot have children biologically. It constitutes a different way of accessing motherhood and fatherhood, creating a bond of filiation as consistent as the one that starts from biological fatherhood. On the other hand, the adoption process is based on the parents’ decision to start a long journey, with some obstacles that are worth analyzing before moving forward.

Adoptive parents not only exercise the role of caregivers, their generosity and the desire to transmit love is an opportunity to leave a mark on their passage through life. Adopting means recognizing as a child someone who is not biologically so in order to form a family.

It is normal that there are doubts and fears founded from the first moment of this complex process. The adoptive parents’ insecurity leads them to ask questions and have mixed feelings : “Will I know how to be a good father or mother?” “Will I get him to love me?” “Will we really end up being a family?”

One of the fears most shared by adoptive parents is that their child does not feel loved as if they were a biological child; On the contrary, it is probable that the child feels the same fears and therefore needs adults, parents, who are sure of what they do, their feelings and the decisions they make so that the child feels really protected. In this sense, it does not need parents who do not have doubts, but rather to endure that moment of doubt with serenity.

Adoption: 4 thoughts to keep in mind

According to the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, adoption is not a tool to solve a fertility problem or a desire to paternity, but is a measure of protection of abandoned childhood, of their right to have a family and the obligation of the administrations to provide the minor with that family.

Adopting is not a decision to be taken lightly

The first question that parents who have made the decision to adopt must answer is as simple as it is profound: Why do you want to adopt a child? What are the reasons or motives behind your decision.

From this moment on , a hard path of bureaucracy begins, with different evaluations  in which the parents have to show that they are the ideal candidates to take in that child. Their lives will be carefully analyzed with the sole intention of finding the best family for the child, leaving in the background the anxiety or stress that this can generate in future parents.

A premise that must be taken into account is that adoption is a long process and, in many cases, difficult to face. The professionals who are in charge of processing this procedure must delve into various topics such as work, friendships or the way of being of future adoptive parents.

Applicants often find questions, interviews or inquiries about their lives excessive (something that nature does not do when we decide to have a child). At this point it is important to be patient and not lose sight of the ultimate goal, adoption. On the other hand, the interviewers who are in charge of this task must have sufficient sensitivity to identify those insurmountable obstacles of those that can be overcome by attitude, intelligence and certain resources that at a given moment can be incorporated.

Prepare for pre-interviews

The intense desire of parents to have their child as soon as possible makes the adoption process excessively long for them. Ultimately, the criteria sought in adopters, no matter how unfair and subjective they may seem, are based on laws established by international conventions, which if viewed as a whole have their logic within the framework of uncertainty that surrounds the problem. of adoption and childhood.

In the previous interviews, they ask about the motivations that lead the applicant to adopt, they investigate the couple’s relationships, the structure of their personality, their physical condition and their ability to consolidate and develop the adoptive relationship.

Adoption is not a charity

Of course adoption is not a charity! Both parents and adoptive children have gone through complicated emotional states until they have found each other. It is a project together, not a great favor. Of an illusion, above the burden that a child may represent at a given moment.

Parents’ wish is fulfilled from the moment they have their little one at home. This intermediate point – never final, because there is still a lot of work to be done – so important, comes after having already overcome some obstacles. For example, the one we mentioned earlier: with a good attitude to endure a stranger asking very direct and intimate questions.

On the other hand, it should be noted that the interest of the  adoption must always be seen from the minor’s perspective. Parents matter, of course. And a lot, but first there is the minor: because it has fewer resources, because it is more unprotected. Deep down, it is he who has the right to have parents, a family; not the other way around.

Facing a new life

It is difficult to predict how the adopted child will adjust to his new family and his current home. The concept of adaptation is even more complicated when we talk about children who come from other countries, with previous stories and experiences that can influence their adaptation to their new environment.

Contrary to what may be believed at first, adopted children seem to have a good adaptation at a general level, that is, they do not show more difficulties at a personal level, at a social level, at a family level or at a school level, than their own. equals not adopted.

As for new parents, a good option to solve all your doubts  is to connect with families that have already adopted and seek support in adoptive parents associations. It is necessary not to have preconceived ideas about the period of family adjustment after the arrival of the child. It is a passing stage in which a bond of attachment based on love, respect and mutual trust is established (if it has to be established, if things are done well and very slowly).