It Was Your Silence That Gave Me All The Answers

Sometimes I wait for your answer, your words … I have not learned that they do not arrive, or that perhaps you offer them to me in another way, as absences, as voids that are not filled with letters and phrases. Your silence contains what I do not want to hear, what I refuse to hear you pronounce.

It’s cowardly to let silence be the answer, but sometimes it’s what we have left. I have not yet learned not to expect anything from you, not to have expectations, to know that this void that you create is your answer, is what you want to tell me.

I do not learn to decipher your silence

I can’t interpret the silence you leave when you close a door and allow my thoughts to fly, to make sense of those words that you don’t speak. I need you to shape with your words all that dense emptiness that you create every time you leave, every time you shut up.

Your silence creates a distance between you and me, an abyss that is impossible to cross, an inexplicable separation that I do not deserve, that I do not understand, and that, nevertheless, I must accept.  It is a path that is divided into a thousand possibilities, and I cannot know which is the one that suits your thoughts.

What i know about silence

Your silences are not always the same, they change without even realizing it. There are shy ones, in whom you do not dare to speak to me, but you look into my eyes and your eyes speak to me.

There are ironic, when you fix your eyes on mine and smile without saying anything. There are clueless, when I ask you and you have not listened to me because you are far from here without wanting to. And above all, there are complicit silences, the kind that take your soul away with lips that don’t speak words.

But this silence, the one that separates us at this moment, contains other things, what we have not dared to say to ourselves and has created a deep space between what we have and what we want. And although I no longer expect anything, I am left wondering if I managed to understand all your silence.

My response to your silence

I can look for a thousand answers to your silence but I can only answer you in one way: tell me what you think, what worries you, I am by your side to help you, to understand you. If you need a hug I will give it to you, if you need a kiss I will give hundreds of them, and if you only want me to listen to you I will, I only ask you to say what you want to say.

I can answer you in many ways, but I don’t want to create an even bigger space between you and me. I can keep trying to put that silence of yours into words. Or I can, ignore it and continue talking to you without receiving a response. I respect your silence, and I need you to respect my uncertainty, my need to know, to know your thoughts.

The answers that your silence gives me

If you leave without saying anything, your silence whispers to me that you no longer want to. If you don’t reply to my messages, it tells me that you don’t care how I feel or what I think. If I ask you about your thoughts and you don’t answer, your silence tells me that there is something you want to hide from me.

It may be that the answers you want to give are not those but are others, but I cannot know them if you do not help me understand what you are not saying.

I hardly remember the echo of your words, I no longer hear them, you move in front of me like a ghost, like someone I do not recognize and it is your silence that suggests to me what you are not capable of saying with words.

And if you close the door behind you again, without saying a word, close forever, don’t come back, because it will be at that moment when I understand that you only wanted to say goodbye.