Everyone Is Against Me!

Sometimes, in informal conversations or in consultation, someone will complain about the offenses of another person who they believe is running against them. Usually they refer to the issuance of opinions. These affect the person in their way of relating, be it work, family, social, and even when they interact with authorities or health professionals or others.

One of the main problems that arise in interpersonal relationships has to do with communication. Be it: work, family, social or couple. Thus, a typical situation among couples is: the husband comes home and when he notices that the dinner is not ready, he concludes about his wife: he was with his friends all day. While facing the husband’s argument of not feeling understood. The wife reacts: you call me gross?

The consequences of complaining

The person who often complains about his bad relationship with others may experience anger, anger, sadness, bitterness, or distrust, among other negative emotions. Which can provoke angry responses, even violent towards other people, or fall into depressive and anxious states. When we carefully review the problem, we see that part of it originates in the way of perceiving.

Distortions are often harmful ways of thinking. They are a break in the logic of logical thinking and probability. Among them we have: speculation, generalization, maximization, catastrophism, and so on until completing the 9 styles of harmful thinking, known as cognitive distortions in cognitive behavioral psychology.

The expressions and the way of using them usually show us what is the smoke that clouds the communication. A generalization, well known among women, is that all men are equal. Allegation that tends to be very common in conversations that deal with infidelity. But do 2 or 3 people statistically represent the more than 2,500 million men on earth? Life is not enough to know each one. Therefore, objectively analyzing such a belief leads us to recognize that it is an error in logic.

Mood affects our perception

When people find themselves in an altered state of mind, they usually interpret what is heard in the sense of this state of mind. Typical are these words: you said blah blah blah and I understood blah blah blah. The problem is not the one who speaks but the one who interprets. We don’t need to be interpreted. Such behavior is based on the projection of the listener. But are others really against me?

So the projections and distortions with the ego are a toxic cocktail that damages and interferes with communication.  Separated families, injured people, divorces, and even murders have occurred just to unleash the mental scheme. The offenses, unreal, are the product of this situation. How many novels would not have ended in two chapters if the two characters had spoken on time?

On many occasions, people cause a negative affective impact on their way of thinking. Within the distortions, when a person is rooted in this harmful behavior, it can lead to “referential ideas”. You can hear or listen to a conversation, a newscast, a radio interview and conclude that you refer to it. Drifting into paranoid thoughts: Of a persecutory nature. Others want to hurt you. What happens to him is intentional. etc. This does not mean that everyone is against you.

Have a quality communication

To have quality communication and stop believing that everyone is against us, we are going to discover some tips that we would always use to keep in mind:

• Do not speculate. Ask and cross-examine, if you do not fully understand what is being communicated to you. Don’t put words in the other person’s mouth.
• Do not interpret. Our language does not need interpretation. The translation is for those who do not speak Spanish. Interpretations are subjective and are colored by the meaning you give them. Based on the beliefs and emotions that he harbors towards himself.
• Do not maximize : People are unique. We have free will. Don’t generalize either. We are all different, even children raised in the same family.

• Do not project. Many times we see in others what is ours. For example, if we believe that others criticize us, perhaps we criticize, too.
• Take breaks. If you feel anger, disappointment, anger, etc. First, stop. Ask yourself: What evidence do I have that what I think is true?
• Do not use the mind reader : No person can read the mind of another. That is fallacy. Knowing a person for a long time does not give you the power to know their thoughts and emotions.
• The objective of communication is to establish a channel where we transmit our emotions, feelings and thoughts from one person to another. For this, active listening is positive.
• Being empathetic : It is putting yourself in the place of the other person. It is not thinking for the other. How do you like her that they will treat you? Likewise, it is empathy. Give the deal we want.

• Catastrophism : It is always expecting the worst. It is one of the stones that lead to anxiety.

Now that you have learned that not everyone is actually against you, but that this is your perception, it is time to put all the aforementioned tips into practice to improve your relationships with others.