You Are My Favorite Mistake And The One That Is Going To Kill Me

You’re my favorite mistake. You are what I want and at the same time you are the cause of my sleeplessness. You are the worst and at the same time the best thing that has happened to me. You are my vice, a vice that has damaged me so much that it has directly changed me. You are life and death at the same time, and the worst thing is that I cannot live without having you.

Before meeting you, I had already heard about you, about your horrors, but I never came to believe that they were true, for me they were just rumors. And when someone talks only about what should be prohibited, it catches my attention, because they don’t always tell us the truth, and in this case I decided that before listening to others I should know you.

I insisted a lot on my friends that night to introduce me to what was going to be the biggest mistake of my life. I did not know, but your attraction was so magnetic, that with just a first impression, I fell into your networks with no expiration date.

You were the flame that guides the torch of freedom. You were the only way to make me free and different, or so I thought. Now I realize how foolish I was to idealize you so much without even meeting you: just because of the attraction I felt towards the world of the forbidden.

I can not live without you

Now I can’t live without you, but at that moment it just seemed exciting to me to get to know you, to fool around with you. I didn’t see the danger of a little contact with something they say is forbidden. For me the word forbidden is a sign of proof and decides that you know yourself better than others and are stronger than them.

I remember that night as something very special. As soon as you were introduced, I noticed how the heat rose through my veins and changed my whole world. You got into my gut in such a clear and absorbing way that I can no longer think of anything other than you.

I can’t live without you, without your way of holding my hand to touch the sky, without your way of making me escape from this sane world that doesn’t understand crazy people. I can’t live without you, even though I know that every time I slowly touch you you are killing me.

I can’t live without you and the mistake of knowing you still weighs on me. This relationship of love, hate and admiration that I have for you is ending me: the good times are getting shorter and shorter and the bad times are more and more perennial.

Every time I depend more on you, on a dose of you that makes my suffering postpone, even if it is you who makes me suffer. Thus, I write from that place, from that place of hedgehog spikes and cactus spikes, where shrapnel does nothing but fly by the struggle between what my heart wants and what my reason dictates. A fight in which I am the only loser.

From here I can tell the world that you, DEAR HEROIN, are the bug that is going to kill me.

You are the mistake that is going to kill me

You are the heroin, that drug, that mistake that is going to kill me. You are going to kill me because the addiction that binds me to you is so strong that I cannot leave you. The chills, nausea, and tremors that can become shaking when I try to walk away don’t allow me to spend much time without you.

When I spend a long time without you, even hallucinations take over me. They are terrifying visions that transform my world into a dark and inhospitable place full of monsters who want to harm me. When I know, clearly, the only monster in my life, the monster that is destroying me, the mistake I regret the most, is you, cursed drug.

You are the one who dominates my thoughts and my actions, in short, you are the one who was my favorite mistake, the one who now dominates my life. You are the one who has caused my arms to be full of punctures and my veins to shreds.

It is you, dear heroine, who makes me vomit and relieve myself without being able to avoid it because having you dominates me. I know that because of you I cannot keep a job because I only think of a dose of you and therefore I cannot keep a schedule.

The worst part is that I know that for a moment of pleasure I have screwed up my life. I know that I chose to make the mistake of trying heroin and that now it is the fault of the drug for me, when I was free to choose where I went by asking to consume it.

But I also know that if you are reading these lines you can still save yourself from introducing drugs into your life. It’s late for me, now I have AIDS because I can’t wait for a clean needle. I couldn’t wait because my body was asking me for a dose and I was tired of having a hard time waiting for it.

Don’t be like me, don’t make the same mistake, because even if you look strong the drug is going to possess you. Don’t fall for it, be smart, it’s not worth it. The little pleasure you get is worth nothing compared to an eternal condemnation of suffering. Don’t think that you won’t be like me, that’s how I thought of others, and now I’m almost dead.