Learning To Disappoint: Managing Other People’s Expectations

Have you ever inhibited or cut off your speech so as not to disappoint someone? The approval of others is a variable that influences our behavior. A reinforcement that motivates us, but also that we sometimes have to give up for aligning our behavior in the wake of other values, such as being honest. Thus, in some way, we are forced to learn to disappoint.

Managing the expectations of others is an art and very essential when it comes to going against the tide. In this article, you will be able to read an analysis of these situations and some strategies that can make you more skilled when stepping on the ground. Do not miss it.

The weight of other people’s expectations

From the point of view of groups, the expectations we create for other individuals depend to a large extent on social norms. Take the example of a woman who does not want to have children. Although not wanting to have children is becoming more and more normalized, many times the family, friends or the partner themselves have the preconceived idea that having children is one of the natural steps in life. How to tell them that it is not so?

Before answering this question, it is necessary to analyze the elements that make up the expectations of others :

• The influence of the social norm : as said in previous lines, when a decision goes against a social norm it has less weight if it faces a social norm than if it does not violate it.
• Guilt : disappointing someone, especially if they are from the close circle, always carries with it some sense of guilt, since they tend to think that something bad has been done to another.
• Pressure from the environment : under the assumption that following social norms is good and desirable, it is to be expected that people from the immediate environment will try not to deviate from the path.
• Personal influence: the expectations of others have power over self-concept and self-esteem, making it difficult for a person to position themselves against them.

Learning to disappoint: some tips

Do you know the studies on active minorities? The social psychologist Serge Moscovici stated that society is not only divided between the powerful and influential and the conformists and underprivileged, but that there is a third group: those people who withdraw from power and manage to induce changes in society. These groups are called active minorities.

Sometimes making a decision that no one approves of because they expected something from you requires learning to disappoint. Here are some tips to do it in the best possible way.

Work fear

When a bad reaction or lack of support is anticipated, the most common feeling is fear. This is completely normal, as no one likes to upset their loved ones. However, sometimes there is no other choice, so it is important to reaffirm your ideas and control your fear so that it does not lead to feelings of anxiety.

Anxiety can hold you back from taking the plunge and, many times, delaying the moment to announce the decision you have made can exacerbate the problem. It is best to do it as soon as possible and as calmly as possible.

Reconcile with yourself to learn to disappoint

It may seem that being questioned by others is a negative thing, but it can be turned around and make it beneficial for you. How do you do it? The first step is to know that for those who follow the prescribed standards are not questioning their actions, to those who do not ask them many more explanations.

This condition does not have to be a bad thing: questioning yourself and reviewing your own ideas is a way to grow and reaffirm yourself in decisions. Every time someone questions you and you take it into account, you are making your reasons more solid.

Being assertive: essential to learn to disappoint

Do not seek to be understood, seek respect. Explaining the reasons for your decisions is something honest and necessary in a relationship, but you do not need others to share your opinion, but rather to respect you and your decisions.

Being assertive, however, is not just standing your ground, it involves showing the same respect that is required of you. Taking care of the language is also being assertive: not falling into accusations, judgments, moderating the tone or not making violence escalate are fundamental pillars in the communication of a fact that can be disappointing for others.

Protect your self-esteem and your self-concept

You have reflected on it, you have prepared the moment to announce it and you have gone through numerous moments of doubts and accusations. The lack of social support not only raises ideas, but also the judgments that people make about themselves. It is important that you do not forget that you deserve respect and that you do not define yourself only by an idea or a decision.

Final notes

By way of conclusion, here is one last thought: not people disappoint, but ideas. You are not responsible for what others expect of you. Although you always have to try to manage the expectations of others in the most beneficial way possible for everyone, it is not always possible to avoid disappointment. Don’t let that stop you.