How To Manage Emotions Effectively

Throughout our lives many times we have found ourselves in situations that have made us think: “I want to stop feeling like this” or “I don’t know why I have acted this way.” Although emotions are the most primitive and natural part of all of us, at times they are tremendously confusing and uncontrollable. Learning to manage emotions is a process, at the end of which you find yourself.

When we do not have control over our emotions, they have it over us. At that moment we have let go of the reins and we find ourselves adrift before what our internal states dictate. But, contrary to our natural instincts, managing emotions does not mean suppressing them. It means knowing, understanding and accepting them so deeply that we can flow in their presence.

How to manage emotions effectively

In general, people do not have a clear idea of ​​how to relate to our emotions. Most of the time we simply fall prey to its intensity, feeling something that makes us uncomfortable and unpleasant, and acting in ways that, coldly, we would not choose.

On the other hand, at times we try to gain control but we do so by following inappropriate strategies. We tend to repress the feeling, ignore it, deny it, or force ourselves to make it go away. Ironically, when we try to run away from an emotion, it finds its way to manifest with much greater force.

We finally end up frustrated by our unsuccessful attempts. The reality is that the key to managing an emotion is not to surround it but to go through it. To get rid of sadness we have to feel it, give it space, listen to it. To get rid of fear we have to face it. If we want to end anger we have to find a way to channel it.

What am i feeling

Without a doubt, the first step in this process consists of knowing how to clearly define what we are feeling. Having a large emotional vocabulary is essential, as it allows us to name what happens to us. Many times we are not able to express our feelings beyond an “I’m fine” or “I’m wrong.” With such poor precision it is difficult to know how to act.

So, first of all, let’s expand our repertoire of emotional terms. We can start by trying to identify the basic emotions: joy, surprise, fear, sadness, disgust, anger. But this is not enough, we need to incorporate into our mind a clear concept of more complex and elaborate emotions such as disappointment, frustration, guilt or shame.

This will help us, first of all, to discover the reality of our feeling and its origin. But, in addition, it will guide us towards a specific and appropriate action. The steps to follow when disappointed are different than when experiencing frustration. If we are not able to differentiate them, we can fall into the error of trying to solve them in the wrong way.

I accept and take control

Once the emotion is identified, the next step is to accept its presence. This does not mean not trying to deny or run away from what we feel. It is necessary to give time and space to our feelings so that, simply, they are. Allowing ourselves to feel fully helps to reduce the intensity of the emotion: when it comes, let it be and it will go. But, in addition, this gives us the opportunity to reflect on what message that emotion brings us.

Perhaps it is warning us that we are acting against our principles, that we have unrealistic and unrealistic expectations, or that another person is disrespecting us. Understanding the message is essential to take action in the right direction. From here we can modify our attitude, our thoughts or assertively ask others to modify their behavior.

Thus we will begin to see emotions for what they really are: a compass, a guide that tells us that something important is happening and that we should take action on the matter. However, our response must always come from a state of calm. It is necessary that this space for prior reflection be produced.

This is really important since, without it, we will be reacting, not acting. By reacting, you give up power over yourself and give it up to circumstances. Instead, by acting, you deliberately decide which path to take and where it leads.