What Happens When Jealousy Makes Us Lose Our Minds?

Jealousy is an emotion that arises as a result of an exaggerated desire to own something exclusively. They generally refer to the exclusive possession of the loved one. The dictionary defines the word jealousy as “feeling that a person experiences when he suspects that his loved one feels love or affection for another, or when he feels that another person prefers a third person instead of her.”

As we can see, with a loved one we do not only refer to the partner or spouse. Jealous behavior can occur in other forms of love. It is the case of the love of parents with their children, or in friendship. Sometimes you can become jealous with objects, not lending them to others just because they are loved for the exclusive enjoyment of oneself. They are considered as something intimate and personal.

When does jealousy appear for the first time?

Jealousy can manifest itself from childhood. Children may have a jealous attitude towards their siblings or other children. It is an attempt to keep all the affection of one or both parents directed exclusively towards them. Children do not want to share the affection of their parents because they understand that this will mean that they will have less for them.

It is also possible that something similar happens in the context of parenthood. The father or the mother may fear losing the affection of their child if he or she becomes too attached to the other parent. Other times they simply want, more or less unconsciously, all the affection of the child for themselves, feeling jealous that their child can give his love and affection to someone else.

Jealousy between friends is especially frequent during adolescence. It is the time of close friends, with whom you share almost everything. The arrival of a new friendship in a group can be experienced as something that endangers the specific qualities of that relationship that you do not want to expand or share.

Jealousy in the couple

The most common jealousy are those that occur within the framework of relationships. In these cases, the exaggerated desire for possession and self-centered demand typical of all forms of jealousy, is added the demand for a more or less agreed fidelity and the social discredit that can arise from infidelity.

Traditionally it has always been thought that women are more jealous than men. Therefore, when it is the man who feels jealous, it is usually frowned upon by society. The woman stops playing the role of “princess” to become “witch” in the eyes of her lover.

Thus, the man can come to feel that he has much more to lose in a hypothetical “battle of jealousy”. This is the reason that few times a man admits to being jealous. However, this is something that is changing, albeit slowly. We believe it is important that gender stereotypes change once and for all.

Jealousy is overcome with communication and trust

In conjugal love it is the propitious place for the jealous attitude to appear.  In addition, it is common for these types of attitudes to have consequential behavioral manifestations, such as espionage or surveillance of the partner. This situation of continuous mistrust generates great emotional tension in the jealous person and in their partner. The couple feel harassed, watched, and questioned most of the time, usually for no reason.

The life of the couple has one of its great pillars in communication and trust. Jealousy precisely produces a great deterioration in the relationship since it calls into question this trust: the person who doubts does not usually try to alleviate the uncertainty with direct questions, but by investigating as if it were a detective.

Exaggerated jealousy: when being jealous turns into a disease

Research tells us that certain personality types are more likely to develop jealousy. This is the case of people who present egocentric, distrustful, insecure, narcissistic or hysterical traits  . On the other hand, among the people who manifest jealous behaviors are those who reproduce them intensely and continuously.

Thus, celotype is based on obsessive jealousy ( jealousy thoughts are repeated continuously and are very intrusive) that manifests itself in a compulsive way (with verification behaviors, such as monitoring the activity of the couple’s telephone). In the most extreme cases,  jealousy can lead to delusions. In addition, we can say that it is a disease in which the person does not recognize himself as sick, or does so on rare occasions.

In celotype it is usual that, from a more or less real situation or indication of infidelity, the patient develops a whole psychological structure with no real basis in relation to a person’s infidelity. This can last a lifetime.

How to overcome celotype?

To overcome celotype, the first step is to recognize the disease, as in so many others. If there is no awareness of the disease, it is unlikely that help will be sought. Jealousy may be grounded, but in extreme cases it may not.

It is a good idea to write down on a piece of paper in which situations you feel jealous, what you think, what your behavior is and what the consequences are.

The safest thing is that behind the jealousy there are distorted thoughts about the love relationship and the behavior of the loved one. Once this information is collected, it must be analyzed. We must look for evidence that what we think is real or is actually happening.

What should I not do if I am jealous?

Here are some basic guidelines that you can take as a reference:

• Do not inquire into the partner’s mobile phone. Let’s learn to respect the privacy of the other person.
• Not looking at the phone bill for the calls our partner has made. If he wants to cheat on you with another person, he is going to do it, whether or not you look at the last calls made.

• Stop checking the last Whats App connection.
• Do not ask questions of our partner’s friends or co-workers seeking to find contradictions to confirm our hypotheses.
• Do not pretend that the other feels so bad and so sad as to be a reason to calm down: “if it hurts, it is because he loves me.” That only damages and does not favor well-being and the future together.
• Do not allow the couple to become isolated from other friends or family. This further enhances the obsessiveness of the jealous and does not help to avoid jealousy.
• And, of course, trust our partner and not worry about a possible “cheating”. The more we burden our partner with this issue and the more jealous we are, the greater the probability that it will end the relationship. Then it will be too late.

If after reading these tips and putting them into practice you continue to suffer exaggeratedly from jealousy, it is best that you contact a good professional  who can help you. As much as jealous people have a bad press, the truth is that they suffer and that their suffering is real. Therefore, if jealousy conditions your life to any degree, do not be ashamed and seek help.