People Who Talk And Talk And Talk … About Themselves
At first they seem very nice to you. They are usually sociable, good conversationalists and with an attractive personality. However, as time goes by, you begin to feel that this person is somewhat heavy : they talk a lot and almost always about themselves. He tells you the same stories over and over again. He is someone who feels authorized to talk about any subject, even if he does not know it. And nobody shuts it up.
After you talk to that person, you feel like you’ve wasted your time. Finally, they never talked, but instead you were kind of sparring in a long monologue. That is why it is likely that when you meet that person again, you will invent some excuse so that there is no room for a chat.
Self-centeredness
A person who talks a lot about himself has not established a clear boundary between himself and his environment. His narcissistic personality prevents him from assuming that he is not the center of the world. That is why he finds it normal for all conversations to revolve around him or her.
In fact, it does not occur to them that their spiel might bore others. And if they tell them directly, they will assume that the problem is with the other, not with themselves.
That excessive need for attention to them is actually born of their unconscious insecurities. They feel gratification if they get others to listen to them all the time; they perceive it as a test of their own worth. They fail to get in tune with the desires of others, but instead revolve around their own needs all the time.
Whoever talks non-stop obviously has a great need to be heard. Even though I’m not saying anything. Talking with others distracts you from the inner dialogue that each of us has with ourselves. This person does not want to listen to himself, but to be heard. You do not want to give value to your ideas or your words, but to avoid an interior encounter. He looks at himself through others.
The content of the “conversation”
There are those who always talk about themselves to make an inventory of suffering. They neither ask for your help, nor accept your advice. They assume that you should simply act considerate of them. Others do the opposite: they present you with a chain of stories to prove to you how wonderful they are. They tell you about their thousands of daily feats, always waiting for some hooray from you.
Some people tell you about their problems to ask for guidance. It’s like you are his private therapist, and free. They are people who never ask you how you are or if you also have difficulties. They take for granted that their problems are more serious and that it is your obligation to listen and advise them.
In all these cases there is no genuine conversation. It is rather a manipulation mechanism through the word. You enter with them in a strange game, in which sometimes you can feel committed to continue there. Forced to listen to them, to praise them, or to pity them. But your bond with these people is not authentic, it always operates under the shadow of that feeling that tells you “something is wrong.”
It is good that at some point you express directly and in a friendly way, how positive a conversation is when there is the possibility of both speaking and listening. It is also good that you invite him to talk about new topics.
Although it is not impossible to treat these types of people, since on many occasions they are again the friendly ones you met at the beginning, it is necessary to learn to set limits. If you feel that it affects you, that it makes you uncomfortable, unleashes feelings of guilt or emptiness, you better walk away.
Image courtesy of Lst1984.
