Emotional Communication In The Couple

Emotional communication is a complex social skill that helps us express ourselves appropriately. In addition, it is one of the fundamental bases on which a healthy relationship is supported.

In fact, communicating honestly, closely and respectfully with the other person often avoids the appearance of conflicts. These can reduce the well-being of the relationship and for this reason it is advisable to seek more appropriate communication strategies.

What exactly is emotional communication in the couple?

This type of communication refers to the exchange of information with our partner, emphasizing two aspects:

• The transmission of our feelings and emotions.
• Understanding the emotional state of the other person.

As in other forms of communication, these messages are based mainly on verbal communication, which is expressed through words. However, non-verbal communication, which is transmitted through intonation, body movements, facial expressions and physical distance, provides much more information to the interlocutor.

What happens when we don’t take emotions into account?

If both partners have difficulty communicating their emotions and feelings correctly, the relationship is likely to suffer in some way. Let’s look at some examples of poor emotional communication as a couple:

• One of the two members is late and is unapologetic. In this situation it is possible that the other person feels bad and ends up making one or more reproaches that generate an easily avoidable discussion.
• A person feels sad and does not know how to communicate it to his partner. In this case, the other member of the couple will notice your distance but will probably misinterpret the signals without understanding what they are due to.

• A person  is bothered by something about their partner and does not communicate it. The other person will also perceive the message through non-verbal language and this will possibly generate distance and discomfort in the relationship.
• The communication of one of the two members is accusing. Faced with this way of expressing themselves, the other person will easily become defensive and the conversations will not be fluid or respectful enough.

What do we achieve by fostering emotional communication with our partner?

If we have communicated in a certain way so far, we can ask ourselves why we should incorporate changes in our way of expressing ourselves. Some of the most important reasons to incorporate emotional communication are:

• The level of discussions is reduced. Since we prioritize not accusing the other person, the discussions become an exchange of different points of view in which the two members of the couple give their opinion without launching reproaches.

• Our partner empathizes with us more. By expressing how we feel, the other member of the couple can focus more attention on understanding us better and putting themselves in our shoes.
• We deepen our mutual knowledge.  Sharing our emotions is an excellent way for the other person to get to know us better and to strengthen the bond.
• It makes it easy for our partner to share their own emotions. If our way of communicating is emotional, we help the other person to connect better with their feelings and communication becomes more and more mature.

How can we improve emotional communication as a couple?

There are many ways to improve our communication skills. Among them, we highlight the following:

Use “me messages” in emotional communication

Speaking from our subjective perspective avoids getting into unnecessary accusations. If for example we say “you have not called me all week, you are selfish”, we are accusing the other person. On the other hand, if we say “” I feel sad because you haven’t called me all week “ , we communicate an emotion, sadness, and the other person does not feel attacked.

The “I messages” are one of the most recommended strategies in couples therapy to promote fluid communication. In this way, we make it easier for our interlocutor to empathize with our emotion and not judge it.

Do not generalize

Using expressions like all, always, never or nothing gives rise to normally unfounded reproaches. ” You always criticize others”, “you never throw the garbage”, “nothing you say is true”, would be some examples.

These sentences may contain a part of the truth, but they are usually a generalization and not an objective fact. Therefore, it is advisable to convey the information as objectively as possible.

Using emotional verbs

Expressing our emotions is the foundation of emotional communication. Thus, the more we use expressions that reflect them, the more familiar they will be to the other member of the couple and the easier it will be to use them.

Some of these verbs can be: love, hate, feel, envy, excite, desire, worry, excite or dislike. It is a matter of incorporating them little by little and naturally into our day to day.

Not reproach

When we make a reproach to our partner, immediately this is put on the defensive. From that moment on, communication is much more complicated.

Thus, it is not the same to say “I notice you distant, is something wrong?” to say “I’m sick of you not listening to me.” The first option makes communication much easier than the second.

Talk about behaviors and not people

If our partner behaves inappropriately, it is important that when we tell them we do not judge and label the person. What we must comment on is the way to act.

For example, saying “you are stupid” is not the same as saying “your behavior with that person has been stupid and that has made me feel ashamed.” The second way will help the other person to be more aware of their behavior.

Respect personal space

When conflict occurs, people handle it in different ways. What goes well for one person at a certain time does not have to go well for the other.

Therefore, you have to know how to find the right moment in which the two people are willing to solve it. If one of the two prefers to postpone the resolution, a more favorable moment for both should be agreed upon.

Where to start?

The best way to communicate properly with our partner is to do it first with ourselves. Eliminating constant reproaches, generalizations and negative thoughts towards ourselves from our internal dialogue is the key to maintaining a good internal dialogue.

On the other hand, to improve emotional communication as a couple it is important to be humble and be willing to learn to communicate better and better. In this way, we will know how to better listen to the other person, not judge them and deeply empathize with their emotions. Most likely, all of this improves our relationship as a couple.