How To Apply Assertiveness In Family Gatherings

Applying assertiveness in family gatherings is the key to survival. The reason? Often, at Christmas dinners, meals to celebrate anniversaries or other events, a whole series of dynamics come together that can make us lose our calm and even our patience. A family is, after all, a complex tribe with disparate opinions where harmony among its members does not always reign.

As is well said, in a home we all have the right to think differently, because what counts is knowing how to respect each other and live together. However, this is not always the case. This fact becomes a little more complicated during the holiday season, where one rests from work responsibilities, but must suddenly prepare for a reunion with part of that family that has not seen for a long time.

We travel long (or short) distances to go to that dinner, that lunch or that long-scheduled appointment on the calendar; And yes, sometimes, we do it with some anxiety. Because we will coincide again with that cousin who likes to sabotage us because of our ideologies. Because we will see that father who always judges us or that aunt who asks us when a better job, when the wedding or the children.

Moving from our comfort zone to Comanche territory is not always easy. However, and despite the fact that these meetings are sometimes not like in the movies (where harmony, glamor and magic reign), we can survive. Furthermore, we can come out unscathed and also feel highly proud of ourselves.

These are the keys. 

Strategies for applying assertiveness in family gatherings

The keys to applying assertiveness in family gatherings must be trained. It is not enough to read and understand them; Other essential ingredients must be added: the courage, the will to change and the self-confidence to put them into practice.

If we say the latter, it is not on a whim. When the person close to us is a relative, it is often difficult to address him or her with assertiveness. Because the emotional component slows us down, we fear offending in some way and this causes us to opt for silence and “I better let it pass.” It is not appropriate, because what is allowed to pass weighs on self-esteem and leaves a dent.

Therefore, let’s see what dimensions we should take into account.

Be present, connected with your emotions and be direct

The priority objective in any family gathering should be to be well, share quality time and enjoy in harmony. It is possible that around you there are variables (people) that break that purpose a bit. Now, for your part, you just have to keep one idea in mind: whatever happens, I’m going to be fine and I’m not going to lose my cool with anything and anyone.

This end happens by being present, so it is not worth having your mind elsewhere or being aware of your mobile while we wish everything to pass soon. Focusing on the here and now will help us better connect with our emotions. In this way, in the face of any event that dares to break the calm, it is best to be direct. How?

• Don’t be afraid to speak in the first person making it clear what you want and what you don’t want. Right now I don’t want to talk about that subject. We are celebrating and it is not the moment ».
• If you perceive that someone has the intention of starting a discussion, deactivate it assertively « I see that you feel like talking about issues that distance us. We are not here to argue, but to have fun .
• Likewise, if you perceive that a situation is being created that may lead to disagreements or problems, try to solve it as soon as possible for the good of all. Remind everyone of the purpose of that meeting: to enjoy.

You have no obligation to respond to what you do not want

When it comes to applying assertiveness in family gatherings, remember a very simple principle: you do not have to answer questions that make you uncomfortable or that are private. No relative, no matter how close, has authority over you.

So if you don’t want to talk about something, don’t. You can make it clear with assertiveness, respect, and safely.

The professional debaters at the family table

There are some familiar doctorates in the art of discussion, of insane reply, of arguing for the sake of arguing to lead you to the contrary. In the midst of these situations, we usually have two options: ignore them or enter the communicative arena.

In the midst of this context, and to apply assertiveness in family gatherings, we must take into account the following:

• Often, those who love to argue, disagree and disagree just because they do seek to attack to position themselves in their opinion or ideology and thus, belittle the other. In these cases, there is only one option: “I understand and respect your position, but I am not here to waste time, but to win it. You have your beliefs and I have mine, let’s try to do more profitable things to discuss.
• Generally, professional debaters are more likely to attack than to make solid (and even logical) arguments. In such situations, a good strategy is to question them, ask the more questions the better. Using calm, good humor and determination, sooner or later they will end up contradicting themselves.

Your own well-being comes first

To successfully survive a family reunion that already causes us discomfort or anxiety, you have to mentalize yourself. We must integrate in our mind the idea that we are going to be well and to achieve this, we must know where our limits are. Therefore, ideal if we work on the following proposals:

• Before going to the meeting, clarify what situations you do not want to tolerate.
• Visualize those limits and assume that this is your safe territory. Knowing what things and circumstances you are not going to accept should give you an adequate sense of calm and comfort.

To conclude, if we dare to apply assertiveness in family gatherings, we will perceive a great difference. Not only will we emerge unscathed from any discussion or disagreement. In addition, we will have gained in experience and we will be able to apply those same keys in any other context.